The DNA Recomputation
by theicemenace
Summary: Sheldon's Mommy comes for a visit.


**A/N:** Thanks to CapriceAnn Hedican-Kocur for the Beta.

Namaste,

Sunny

 **The Big Bang Theory**

 **The DNA Recomputation**

Leonard let himself into the apartment, and there was Sheldon, standing in front of his board. "What do you want, Sheldon? Penny and I were asleep when you called."

He leveled a glare at his best friend. "Leonard, how many times have I told you not to touch my board?"

"Not sure. In the high hundreds, maybe. Why?"

Sheldon crossed his arms, and stared down at his shorter friend. "Wrong. It's exactly one-thousand three hundred and forty-seven, including tonight."

Confused, Leonard crossed his arms too. "What're _talking_ about? I didn't touch your board. _You_ touched _my_ board." They glared at each other, and as always, Leonard was the first to look away. "Thanks, by the way. The changes you made fixed a problem I was having with…"

"Leonard," Sheldon interrupted not politely, "this is pointless."

Under his breath, Leonard muttered, "Always has been." Aloud, he said, "If you didn't touch my board, and I didn't touch yours, then who did?'

"You're asking _me_?"

"No, Sheldon. I'm asking Darth Vader. Yes, of _course_ I'm asking you!" Leonard dropped onto the end of the sofa. "Who was here today?"

His friend stalked over to his spot on the sofa, but didn't sit. "Amy, but she's still on probation for the cereal incident, and wouldn't risk another demerit"

"Oh, from th day she rearranged the cereal alphabetically instead of numerically by fiber content?"

Sheldon's answer was to cross his arms and stare at the coffee table. On it lay one of his science journals face down. He turned it over to read the name of the article, _CRISPR Inspires New Tricks To Edit Genes_. Several notations had been scribbled in the margins. The scientist huffed in that way he had that got on Leonard's nerves. "And you defaced the science journal that I had yet to read with your illegible scribbling."

Leonard let out a sigh. "Didn't do it, Sheldon."

"Then who did? The only other person in the apartment today besides Amy was my mother."

Getting to his feet, Leonard went to the door. "Maybe there's a cat burglar who goes around defacing people's magazines. Penny's waiting. Good _night_ , Sheldon."

~~O~~

After his friend had gone, Sheldon reread the notations. "Hmm… I admit that whoever did this has an intellect nearly equal to my own, with a keen insight into the human genome." He carried the journal into his room and shut the door.

 **Earlier That Day**

"Sheldon!" Amy hissed under her breath, "Your mother just got here. Maybe she would like to rest from her trip before you start making demands."

The scientist rolled his eyes, "But my mother loves to cook for me. It makes her happy, and it makes _me_ happy that she wants to make me happy regardless of how tired she is."

"Now don't get to fightin' you two. Shelly's got a lot on his mind, Amy. Mostly that science stuff. You're right though. I do need to freshen up a bit." Mary started for the bathroom, stopping at the door. "Shelly, I'm gonna need a few things from the store. When I come out, I'll make you a list."

"Yes, Mommy," Sheldon responded, looking like an overeager puppy.

The door closed, leaving Amy and Sheldon alone. Crossing her arms, Amy glared at her boyfriend. And as always, he had a blank look on his face, as if he had no idea why she was annoyed. "Your mother isn't here to wait on you, Sheldon. She's a guest in your home. You should be waiting on her."

Sheldon scoffed. "I _am_ waiting on her. To come out of the bathroom and make me dinner."

"That's not what I mean, and you know it." They heard the toilet flush and the water come on. "Here she comes. Behave."

"Fine." Sheldon picked up a pad and pen, handing it to his mother when she returned to the living room. His expression showed annoyance, and Amy jabbed him with her elbow. He gave her one of his looks which she ignored as always.

Amy took the pad and went to sit next to Mary. "Tell me what you need, Mrs. Cooper. Sheldon prefers his grocery list to be alphabetical by food group."

"You don't have to tell me what's what, Amy, dear. That boy's been a pain in my nether regions since before he and his sister were born." She tapped the pad. "You reckon all of Shelly's little friends'll be here?"

Sheldon came to stand near his mother. "Well of _course_ they'll be here. Your fried chicken is the best they've ever tasted. Second only to your spaghetti with hot dogs."

Mary took a deep breath and let it out slowly. It was a device that Amy recognized as a way for Mary to keep from expressing her annoyance. "That's nice, Shelly." To Amy, she said, "My kids just love Eye-talian."

Smiling uncomfortably, Amy waited patiently for Mary to complete her list. When that was done, she handed the page to Sheldon. He took out his phone and snapped a photo. "I'll send this to Leonard, and tell him to hurry."

Unexpectedly, Mary jumped to her feet and snatched the phone from Sheldon and handed it to Amy. "What in God's name are you bothering Leonard for, Shelly? Don't he have enough to do without you pilin' more on? You and Amy do the shoppin'."

"But _Mommy_ , Leonard _always_ does the grocery shopping. I just go along to make sure he gets it right."

"Nonsense. Now you two git. And while you're gone, I'll just go have me a little nap on your bed." Without another word, Sheldon's mother went down the hall.

Amy held in a laugh at Sheldon's outraged expression. Taking him by the hand, she led him out the front door and down the stairs, nodding without really listening to him rant.

~~O~~

As soon as the front door closed, Mary peeked around the corner from the hallway. When she was certain her son and his girlfriend had gone, she came back to the living room to sit on the sofa. "Thank you, _Jesus_. Lord, I love that boy more 'n any of my kids, but he's wearin' out the patience I pray for every day."

She turned on the television, but nothing held her interest. Tossing the remote aside, Mary looked for a book or magazine to read, also without success. Then, across the room, she spied Sheldon's dry erase board. She went to get a closer look, examining it from different angles. Shaking her head, she picked up the dry eraser and black marker. "Shelly, sometimes you don't have the sense God gave a goose."

Mary erased part of the equation, replacing it with the correct indicators. She did the same to another equation, adding the solution to the end. "There. That's got it."

Leonard's board squatted on the other side of the room. Rolling her eyes, she made corrections there as well. "Lord Jesus, those boys are too smart for their own good, and stubborn to boot. And give me the patience to hold my tongue while I'm here. Goodness knows Shelly and his friends don't need to know the truth. My boy's smarts came from You, Jesus, and I wanna thank you for using me to deliver 'em. It was my privilege to be the conduit that gave Shelly his big brain. I blame his father for the lack of humility."

Footsteps on the stairs accompanied the voices of Leonard and Penny, followed by a key in the lock. By the time the door opened, Mary was on the sofa again, flipping through a fashion magazine she found in the trash.

Penny's face lit up as she rushed over for a hug. "Mrs. Cooper! Sheldon didn't tell us you were coming."

"That's 'cause this is another of my surprise visits." A bit of sparkle caught her eye, and she took hold of Penny's left hand. "Are you and Leonard finally tyin' the knot?"

Leonard put his arm around Penny's waist as they gazed at each other with affection. "Tied, Mrs. Cooper. Penny and I got married in Las Vegas last month."

"Well, now it's a blessin' that you're no longer livin' in sin."

With an uncomfortable smile, Leonard asked, "Where are Amy and Sheldon?"

Mary returned to her seat on the sofa, and picked up the magazine. "I sent 'em off to the store. Those two were gettin' on my last nerve." She waved Penny and Leonard over, and the couple sat next to her on the sofa. "Tell me somethin'. Who taught that girl to dress?"

Trying not to laugh, Penny shrugged. "Her mother, I think. Why?"

"For a smart girl, she sure don't know how to get a man's attention without usin' her brain." Her face lit up with an idea. "Why don't you give her a make-over, Penny? She needs to be less Grandma Moses, and more like what the girls wear today without raidin' Jezebel's closet. You know? Like what _you_ wear."

Penny was clearly perturbed with the conversation, and that's just how Mary wanted it. That way, neither she nor Leonard would realize what she'd done to the boards, and she wouldn't have to explain.

"I'll see what I can do, Mrs. Cooper." The young woman headed for the door. "Leonard?" Her husband was standing in front of the board he kept in the apartment to appease Sheldon, his forehead pinched in confusion.

Her eyes the picture of innocence, Mary asked, "Something wrong?"

Leonard looked closer. "Nnnnooo… Huh." He picked up the marker, using it to focus on the equations from left to right, circling the answer written in the bottom right corner.

Penny touched his shoulder. "Leonard, sweetie? You okay?"

"Yeah. It's just that he's so insufferable when he's right." Leonard replaced the eraser, and marker. "Is Sheldon taking you out to dinner, Mrs. Cooper?"

Mary sighed, long and loud. "No, but if you're invitin', I'm eatin'." She stood, picked up her purse, and went to the door. "Where we goin'?"

"Anywhere you want. Our treat."

Behind her, Mary could hear the young couple having a whispered conversation, partly about Sheldon's alleged defacement of Leonard's board. She smiled to herself, and kept walking.

 **End of Line**

The article, _CRISPR Inspires New Tricks To Edit Genes_ , is real. The full article can be found on the website.


End file.
